Yelling at the Void

Something to keep track of what is going on in life, for all to see or just for me.

Category: Friendship

  • Happiness

    It was only 24 hours, but in that 24 hours I was able to reconnect and reconcile who I was and my relationship to my best friend; my chosen sister. Our relationship has never been as better as it has been since Wednesday. When we saw Ghost, one the best (if not the best) bands I’ve ever heard, everything was washed away. The jealousy and fear of losing my loved one, the realization that I have won the ultimate prize. I will never lose my best friend, she is my family and will be with me until the better end.

    The benefit is that this has improved my relationship with my partner, I feel better connected to her. I feel closer to her and I feel safer in our relationship.

    For the first time in years, I do not fear losing my loved ones. I am content.


  • Jealousy

    She suggested jealousy was the issue, the reality is that is it wasn’t. I just agreed with her, so I could lift the burden off her. I don’t plan on showing her the reality, it’s for the best she never know that I’m falling apart. That I am fighting inside for control and considering letting go.

    In a way I’m hoping to push her away, so she can’t be hurt anymore. So she won’t be hurt by the inevitable outcome, whenever that happens.

    She can see this blog, she has the link, maybe one day she’ll look. Know she was never the issue, that she meant the world to me, and I’d rather lose her than ever hurt her. I want to see you happy, even if I break.

    Both of them should leave, before I do.

    I am the problem.

  • Love

    I have a weird quirk, I can’t distinguish romantic from platonic. As far as I am concerned, they are the same thing. The only difference being that one says they are dating and the other doesn’t. Otherwise, they feel the same and are treated the same to me.